You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
