He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
