Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
