Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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