i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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