As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
