I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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