if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
