He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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