Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
