Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
