I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Randomize
