yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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