Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
