I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize