Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
