Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
