oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
