Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
