So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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