don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
