what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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