woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it's great music for shaving your balls
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
