We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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