Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
