Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
