No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
