Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize