He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
