I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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