dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Come on in and take your pants off
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