i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
