Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
