its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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