I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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