He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
