Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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