i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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