last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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