You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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