Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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