her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have already put on my inside pants.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
