Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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