I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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