THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
