How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
