Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
