She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
