dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
