So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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