Nicole vs. Life
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
