i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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