my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
