i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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