So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
