Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize