booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
