Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
