we have pet lesbian snakes
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
