I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
