The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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