his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
