How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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