He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
