Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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