Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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