He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
