I want to make a zoo with you.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
