So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
