i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
