I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
