So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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