I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You took a bar mat shot.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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