Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize