apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
