He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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