I will die if light touches me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
