Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize