I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
