One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
