You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
