PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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