It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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