wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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