Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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