i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
