Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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