just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
