My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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