Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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