my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
