I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
