So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
