I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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