btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
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Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize