Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Let's paint friendship bongs
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
