im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
