All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
