If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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